hardest thing ive ever done..

i did the hardest thing ive ever done today... i blocked him on my phone.. already deleted him on facebook and im in the process of trying to forget everything... its harder then i thought.. just want to have him in my arms and go shopping but i cant. I have to be strong. Soon we will have a house and i can start new memories there, have a baby with my husband and then my past will just be a blur.. he wont respond to me on here or my other account but pretty soon ill just delete these as well.. start my new faithful life the way it was supposed to be in the beginning 

memories

gravity

Gravity lyrics
Songwriters: Bareilles, Sara;

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know
Is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down

You're on to me, on to me and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

you

everything i do reminds me of you, take a shower..you were there, lay down..you were in my bed, listen to music..its always about you, get on my computer..youve touched these keys, brush my hair..your fingers ran threw it.. put on makeup..you told me I didnt need it I was already beautiful. Im lost without you.Everything I look at or touch reminds me somehow of you. 

im sorry

I killed my best friend, my everything, my love. I ripped his heart out of his chest and then put it in a meat grinder and repeatably ran over it with my SUV. 

I miss him dearly. I cant stand to be away from him but if I want things to work in my life then Ill stay away and I will let things go.

I cry myself to sleep almost every night, Everything I see reminds me of him, I still smell his cologne as I walk around in my house.

I hear songs that I know were meant for him and I and I just have to let it all go. I cut whenever I feel the urge to go see him... I miss him..I miss us.

I dont know what else to say besides I love you, always will .. but I cant lie, cheat or steal anymore. Its ruining me.